Cut That Horse Off

Recently eaten: fried oysters
Recent annoyance: that deep, deep sleep when fall comes that won't let you go in the morning.

Friends don't let friends drive a horse and buggy drunk. Especially if the horse is drunk, too.

Man killed in Romania by drunken horse
Traffic police tested a horse for being over the alcohol limit after it went out of control and killed an elderly man in the southwestern Romanian county of Gorj, the Ananova news agency said on Tuesday.

Police made the unusual request after an 86-year-old-man died from injuries sustained when he was hit by a cart, which was being pulled by a horse that "looked out of control."

Ion Iliuta, head of the local veterinary authority, said: "We never had such a request before. Maybe to see what kind of blood it is, yes, but to find out if the animal was drunk, never."

The blood test came back positive.

Beerly Departed

Recently eaten: red snapper
Recent annoyance: people who do not move to the back of the bus (for space efficiency, not racially-motivated reasons)

Not only will this guy be buried in a beer can, he will be buried in a PBR can coffin. I hope his grieving widow doesn't try to "shotgun" the coffin. People get upset when the body shoots out.

Illinois man orders custom beer-can coffin

Pour One Out For My Pumpkin

Recently eaten: italian sub
Recent annoyance: it's October people, give me a break on the heat and the mosquitoes

I thought this was a pretty cool and seasonal idea. I ahve no idea how brewing beer in a pumpkin might affect the taste or hygiene of said beer, but who cares. Smashing a beer-filled pumpkin is way cooler than just throwing one of the ones with seeds in it.

Btw, I went pumpkin patching for the first time recently. I wasn't really feeling it. The patch was full of vines and rotting pumpkins. There were small children underfoot trying to roll enormous pumpkins around which was a lawsuit waiting to happen. And then you have to carry the mofo out of there yourself. No thanks, Whole Foods has perfectly respectable jack-o-lanterns.

Brewing in a pumpkin

When The Cat's Away, He's Getting a Gin & Tonic

Recently eaten: tortellini, garlic bread
Recent annoyance: heat advisory

Man, I am a little sad that this cat is cooler than I am. Maybe they should slip him some Bailey's and see what happens. I won't be shown up by some alley cat. It's on TC.

Morning Tonic: Tavern Cat
A. Leupp writes, “So I’m in a local neighborhood tavern, and I look up and all of a sudden there’s a cat sitting at bar next to me. The bartender informs me it’s TC—Tavern Cat—who comes in every night, sits at the bar, and gets a little “shot” of cream. He had just finished his when I took this.”

It's A Tough Job...

Recently eaten: saffron rice, stir fry
Recent annoyance: sneezles and wheezles

In the increasingly-competitive workplace, employers must continually provide better and better compensation and benefits packages to retain employees and maintain worker satisfaction. This sort of takes that idea to a whole new level. It's really about giving 110% everyday.

Brewer must pay alcoholic beer taster
A Brazilian court has ordered local brewer Ambev to pay 100,000 reals (US$49,400; euro36,400) to an alcoholic beer taster who drank about a liter and a half (3.2 pints) of beer each day.

The unidentified employee alleged that the company did not provide the health measures needed to keep him from developing alcoholism, a labor court in the Rio Grande do Sul state said in a statement Friday.

The employee said in his lawsuit that for more than a decade, he drank between 16 and 25 small glasses of beer during his eight-hour shifts at the company

The employee said he also received a bottle of beer after each shift.

An initial ruling had favored Ambev, or Companhia de Bebidas das Americas, which can still appeal the decision. The company alleged the employee already was an alcoholic before becoming a beer taster.

Judge Jose Felipe Ledur said the company still was negligent because an alcoholic should never have been made a beer taster.

Ledur also said the employee's alcohol dependency had worsened in recent years and that even on vacation, the employee felt like drinking the same amount of beer he drank at work.

Compact Only

Recently eaten: couscous, chicken
Recent annoyance: clothes that must be ironed

You know, those Europeans are really on to something.

Drunk man parks horse at German bank
An early-morning German bank customer had a bit of a shock when he found a horse already in line at the automatic teller machine in front of him. It seems the horse's owner, identified only as Wolfgang H., had a bit too much to drink the night before and decided to sleep it off inside the bank's heated foyer, police said Tuesday.

The 40-year-old machinist told Bild newspaper he had had "a few beers" with a friend in Wiesenburg, southwest of Berlin, and decided to hit the hay in the bank on his way home.

"It was late, it was already dark and cold," he was quoted as saying.

Confronted with the lack of a hitching-post, he brought the 6-year-old horse, named Sammy, in along with him.

When a customer came across the horse and sleeping rider in the bank at 4:15 a.m. Monday, he called police, who then came and woke the owner up and sent him on his way.

No charges were filed, but there might be some cleanup needed: Apparently Sammy made his own after-hours deposit on the carpet.

"Receipt? No thanks."

Blood is Thicker Than Raw Sewage

Recently eaten: serrano ham and manchego cheese sandwich, truffle fries
Recent annoyance: mosquito trapped in my room

Yeah, this seems totally normal. The worst part of it is that dumping blood, huamn, animal, or otherwise, is totally legal. Another reason why they should stop paying pro athletes millions of dollars and start paying sewer workers higher wages.

Blood sprays out of sewer, on city worker
A Minneapolis city worker is worried about blood in the sewer system because he said, while he was cleaning the system, blood sprayed out of a hole and got all over him.

"We could tell it was blood, I mean large amount of blood," said Minneapolis Sewer Maintenance Worker Ron Huebner.

It happened about two weeks ago in Northeast Minneapolis near a lab that does medical testing and dumps blood into the sewer. It is allowed but the city is now making changes to help protect workers in the future.

"Blood just all over my face, in my mouth, I could taste it. It was terrible. I had it in my mouth and I kept spitting and I couldn't get rid of it," said Huebner.

Huebner said he hasn't been sleeping much. He's worried about the blood that he swallowed when he was operating a jet machine to clean out the sewer.

The Met Council said it was a mix of human and animal blood used in medical testing at this nearby lab.

In fact, the company, R & D Systems, does have a permit to dump blood in the sewer system.

However, Huebner wasn't protected or warned about the blood because his immediate bosses didn't know about.

"We did not specifically know that this particular facility was discharging blood into the sewer system," said Minneapolis Public Works Deputy Director Heidi Hamilton.

There have been some changes, including more coordination among city departments so key information in permits gets to the right people and there's more required safety gear.

"We have changed the procedure to ensure they're wearing goggles or a face mask while they are above that manhole," said Hamilton.

The Met Council is changing the permit to say that the city has to warn the lab it's coming to clean the sewer, and the lab has to stop discharging blood until they're done. R & D told the city the blood shouldn't present any risk, but Huebner's still worried.

"I'm going to hope that nothing's wrong with me, but I don't want to see this happen to anyone else in my department," said Huebner.

The Met Council issued the permit. When asked if it's safe to have blood in the sewers, the Met Council said it is no more harmful than most other wastes in the sewer.

The sanitary sewer system is the appropriate place for this type of liquid wastes. There are other companies that have permits to discharge blood in the sewer system.

According to the Met Council, there are about four slaughterhouses, about 20 hospitals, and about a dozen medical and pharmaceutical companies that have permits.

"Just here to check out the pipes."

One for the Toad

Recently eaten: mozzarella sandwich
Recent annoyance: grinding my teeth

I am sure junkies everywhere are salivating to get their tongues onto the back of this giant toad. Rumored to have hallucinogenic properties, the glands on a cane toad are actually poisonous. Way to go junkies! Getting it wrong most of the time and too strung out to realize you might die.

Hunters Trap Giant Cane Toad

A CANE toad the size of a small dog has been nabbed in the middle of a "breeding frenzy" in Darwin.

The 861-gram male is the biggest caught anywhere in the Northern Territory, according to environmental group Frogwatch.

Measuring 20.5cm in length, the colossal male was one of 39 toads caught in a breeding frenzy, said FrogWatch co-ordinator Graeme Sawyer.

"The biggest toads are usually females but this one was a rampant male," he said.

"He is huge. I would hate to meet his big sister."

The End is Nigh

Recently eaten: turkey, stuffing, haricot verts
Recent annoyance: no matter how nice my shirt looks when I put it on, it's wrinkled by the time I get to work

Well, I know the end of the world is near:

1. Because I am leaving my job of 3,5 years. Frankly, the new copier and I never got along
2. A house full of vegans is advertising to trade a room for breast milk

Mmmmm, thanks but no thanks. I think I will try and get in on that World of Warcraft group house instead.

Inspired By The Same French Excellence

Recently eaten: homemade calzone
Recent annoyance: District of Columbia, hear this, if you only salt the roads, it will melt and freeze again. It's science.

I guarantee that there is no better valentine than a drunken old man, especially if that old man is Orson Welles. An oldie but a goody:

Cure For Pain

Recently eaten: cheese ravioli, sundried tomato pesto
Recent annoyance: the three leaky porta-johns at the construction site next door

I've never heard of these "traditional" hangover cures. I prefer one of the following:

1. Exorcism - Hangover is a little-known demon from ancient heretical texts. Even too much blood of Christ can stand to be diluted with the Holy Water.
2. Voodoo curse - You can fight fire with fire. Make a small amulet containing pieces of last can or bottle of alcohol you drank. Mix with brine and chicken blood. Headache will disappear.
3. Blood-letting - If the alcohol is in the blood...
   

Alcohol and hangover myths revealed
"If ringing in the New Year feels like a gong banging in your head, chances are you drank too much alcohol celebrating New Year's Eve, and you're not alone.

Scientists have studied few of the common treatments for hangovers found at your local drugstore. However, you can avoid headaches this holiday by learning the facts about alcohol: a cup of coffee won't sober you up, popping Tylenol can be bad for your liver, and the hair of the dog will only prolong your pain.

"The severity of a hangover is related to the blood alcohol level you reach, how rapidly you drink, and the amount you drink," said Dennis Twombly, program director of the Division of Neuroscience and Behavior at the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA). "After the alcohol has been cleared from the system, a hangover can last for 8 to 24 hours, depending on how much you've consumed."

Sleep it Off

Hangovers cost the United States more than $148 billion annually in worker absenteeism and poor job performance, according to a study by researchers at the Veterans Affairs Medical Center in San Francisco Calif. But sleeping off a hangover is the best way for your body to cope during those painful hours.

Having stayed awake past your bedtime to see the clock turn midnight will make you sleepy. Adding alcohol to the mix will lower your blood sugar, disrupt the quality of your sleep, and really tire you out.

Many people assume that drinking caffeinated beverages or taking a cold shower will help them sober up and snap out of a hangover. It will help you feel more awake, but it can't help your body remove the alcohol from your system or speed up your recovery.

As well as sleepiness, alcohol and hangovers can impair judgment, leading to a surge of alcohol-related traffic crashes on New Year's Eve, according to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism.

"If your tired, alcohol will magnify that, and you're more likely to fall asleep at the wheel," Twombly said. "Drowsy driving is a big factor in traffic fatalities."

Hair of the dog that bit you

Don't believe the folklore remedy that drinking more alcohol will cure your hangover.

More alcoholic drinks will only boost the existing toxicity of the alcohol already in one's body, and may lead to further drinking, according to previous research.

With a hangover, you're most likely suffering from dehydration and a deficiency of important minerals like magnesium and potassium. Symptoms of dehydration include headache, cottonmouth, lightheadedness, and thirst. Drinking water and sports drinks will help you replenish your fluids, according to the NIAAA.

You may also feel queasy. Alcohol is also an irritant and can cause inflammation of the stomach lining and gastrointestinal discomfort.

"These symptoms become worse if someone has consumed beverages with more alcohol content like shots of whiskey, as opposed to more dilute drinks such as beer," Twombly told LiveScience.

Painkillers

You can find some relief for your hangover at the drugstore. But know what to look for and read labels carefully.

Antacids may alleviate nausea and gastrointestinal discomfort. Aspirin and other anti-inflammatory medications can help with muscle aches and headaches, according to research published in the journal Alcohol Health and Research World . However, anti-inflammatory medications are gastric irritants and can make an upset stomach worse.

Do not take acetaminophen, a common alternative to aspirin found in Tylenol and other painkillers , Twombly warned. The drug is toxic to the liver when it interacts with alcohol."

Survivor: The Single Pagan's Edition

Recently eaten: chicken on rosemary foccaccia sandwich Recent annoyance: when the copier takes about 3 days to "warm up"

I have made it through one more holiday weekend, and as my friends start to trickle back in to the city. Let's all be thankful for a few things this new year that we can't exactly say about years past:

1. I didn't drink all the leftover wine in the refrigerator
2. Luckily, I am find myself single again and did not profess my love to anyone
   
3. The Von Trapps, as always, triumphed over the Nazis
4. No hazing myself for the second straight year in a row
5. No gas fireplaces

And, finally, let's all be thankful that we do not live near open water where killer dolphins might leap out and kill us. God bless us, everyone!

"A New Zealand woman is in critical condition in hospital after being crushed by a dolphin that leaped on to her boat, media reported on Wednesday.

The 27-year-old woman had been watching from the bow of the small boat cruising among the marine mammals off the North Island's Coromandel Peninsula on Tuesday when the bottlenose dolphin landed on her, the New Zealand Herald said.

She suffered serious head injuries and was flown to hospital in Auckland. The dolphin also smashed the boat's windshield and bow rails before jumping back into the ocean, witnesses told the Herald.

Coast guard official Steve Taylor said the dolphin probably got over-excited and jumped on to the boat, although he had never heard of such an incident before."

Jugs of Beer Were A Poor Choice

Recently eaten: chicken burro dormido
Recent annoyance: overcommitting

If you thought you had seen your share of drunken frat boy antics, please meet my friend Zhang Xinyan. The description of how this whole incident goes down is one for the books as well. The drunken victim is so matter of fact about wanting to see the panda . It's also helpful to know that you can subdue a giant panda the same way you would train a common house cat. This story is brought to you by the people who invented gunpowder.

Panda Bites Man, Man Bites Panda
A drunken Chinese migrant worker jumped into a panda enclosure at the Beijing Zoo, was bitten by the bear and retaliated by chomping down on the animal's back, state media said Wednesday.

Zhang Xinyan, from the central province of Henan, drank four jugs of beer at a restaurant near the zoo before visiting Gu Gu the panda on Tuesday, the Beijing Morning Post said.

“He felt a sudden urge to touch the panda with his hand,'' and jumped into the enclosure, the newspaper said.

The panda, who was asleep, was startled and bit Zhang, 35, on the right leg, it said. Zhang got angry and kicked the panda, who then bit his other leg. A tussle ensued, the paper said.

“I bit the fellow in the back,'' Zhang was quoted as saying in the newspaper. “Its skin was quite thick.''

Other tourists yelled for a zookeeper, who got the panda under control by spraying it with water, reports said. Zhang was hospitalized.

Newspaper photographs showed Zhang lying on a hospital bed with blood-soaked bandages and a seam of stitches running down his leg.

The Beijing Youth Daily quoted Zhang as saying that he had seen pandas on television and “they seemed to get along well with people."

“No one ever said they would bite people,'' Zhang said. “I just wanted to touch it. I was so dizzy from the beer. I don't remember much."

Ye Mingxia, a spokeswoman for the Beijing Zoo, confirmed the incident happened but would not give any details. She said Gu Gu was “healthy."

“We're not considering punishing him now,'' Ye said in a telephone interview. “He's suffered quite a bit of shock."

Gu Gu the Panda will kill you dead!

Ready, Shame, Fire!

Recently eaten: lo mein, other half of an avocado (I know this is suppoed to be day 1 of the low-cholesterol diet, but I can't let lo mein go bad)
Recent annoyance: scratching my mosquito bites feels really good

As if the Poles aren't already the butt of so many jokes. Maybe the priests will also read out the names of people who steal post-it notes from work, eat a grape from a bunch at the supermarket, or read magazines then put them back without buying them.

Priests asked to shame drunk drivers
"WARSAW - Prosecutors in overwhelmingly Catholic Poland have asked priests to read out the names of drink-drivers from the pulpit as part of efforts to reduce the country's high road death rate.

Church leaders have not said yet whether they will support the scheme, aimed to shame drivers into sobriety.

"We post the names of convicted drunk drivers at town halls," said Rafal Grabia, a prosecutor in the mountain town of Zywiec in southern Poland. "But who reads that? The information is not reaching family, friends and neighbors."

More than 98,000 have died on Polish roads since 1991, making Poles 2.5 times more likely to die in road accidents than Swedes or U.K. citizens, European Union figures show."

Rounders

Recently eaten: fried rice
Recent annoyance: plants that just aren't hearty enough

The Scottish have donned their little plaid LAME caps these days. They are trying to stam out the tradition of people buying rounds for one another. What's next? No more opening doors for people? No more passing squares of toilet paper under the stall to someone who has none? You can bet that they are not going to stamp out the tradition of people buying rounds of haggis for one another. It's preposterous!

Scottish ads target alcohol use, ritual
Round-buying is a cherished tradition throughout Britain and in Ireland, but it's only in Scotland that lawmakers are trying to end the ritual.

From the most glamorous bars to seedy spit-and-sawdust pubs, drinking alcohol is a Scottish pastime that ranks in importance alongside soccer, history, politics and meat pies. The ritual of the round ranks among the worlds most hazardous etiquette exchanges and can be as fraught as a first business meeting in Japan or courting Sicilian style.

Each round must be honored and reciprocated as a symbol of bonhomie, generosity and swagger.

The rules are simple:

• If you accept a drink you must also buy a round. (But if you are celebrating your birthday, or a new baby, you are exempted.)

• Each offer of a round must be accepted and reciprocated with drinks of equal value. Never offer a beer to someone who has just bought a bottle of champagne.

• If you have had enough to drink, you can quit, but you must make sure you have honored the round by buying everyone a drink.

• Not to buy a round is a great insult and round dodgers gain reputations as mean and untrustworthy. They usually are not invited out again.

"The worst round dodger I know is a guy who leaves the pub for a bag of chips (fries) every time it's his round," said Oliver Berrill, a 20-year-old law student at Edinburgh University.

A Cocktail of Two Cities

Recently eaten: turkey and mozarella sandwich
Recent annoyance: distance, physical not emotional

I will journeying from Washington, D.C. to Lexington, Virginia and back again today. Uf!

I need a drink, real bad.

Don't Rock the Goat

Recently eaten: meatballs, just balls of meat
Recent annoyance: that kink in my neck that makes me look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame

British Army Demotes Goat for Insubordination
Capt. William Rose, a soldier present at the parade, said the goat "was trying to headbutt the waist and nether regions of the drummers."

"He is not a grazing goat and has food flown in from Wales. Billy also has an allowance of two cigarettes a day - both of which he eats," said the spokeswoman.

"Give me a cigarette before I head for your nether regions! Baa!"

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Dollars, Sometimes

Recently eaten: chicken and rice
Recent annoyance: people who say, "oh, it's not that bad" because sometimes it is

Living in Washington, D.C., I have encountered various people with delusions of grandeur that their on-the-rise political careers will be crushed by that random picture of them wearing a sombrero licking tequila off of a barmaid dressed as a mule. I say to these poor dreamers, 'tough cookies'. Alcoholism and debauchery didn't hurt Dubya's rise to power, so a few mildly scandalous pics of you at the roller rink certainly won't keep you from becoming the only representative from Wyoming. Seriously.

P.S. For all you ruiners, upload your career-ending pictures here at Extortr

Crist-All She Wrote

Recently eaten: meatball sub, chili
Recent annoyance: abundant mucus

So Jay-Z has decided to bite the proverbial bottle of champagne that gets him drunk and makes him look flashy. This is disturbing for various reasons:

1. What's next? A boycott of hoes and bandanas?
2. What the heck am I going to drink in the shower now?
3. How else will people now that i am totally P.I.M.P.?
   

Jay-Z leads Cristal Boycott
Rappers have long proclaimed their love for Cristal, frequently mentioning the high-end champagne in songs and popping the corks of the clear, gold-labeled bottles in music videos and at nightclubs.

But the makers of Cristal don't seem to feel the same way about hip-hop -- at least that's how one rapper-turned-record executive sees it.

Multi-platinum rapper Jay-Z, now president and chief executive officer of Def Jam Records, has decided to boycott his once-beloved bubbly over comments from the managing director of the company that produces it.

In a special summer issue of The Economist magazine, Frederic Rouzaud, managing director of Louis Roederer, said the company viewed the affection for his company's champagne from rappers and their fans with "curiosity and serenity."

Asked by the magazine if the association between Cristal and the "bling lifestyle" could be detrimental, Rouzaud replied:

"That's a good question, but what can we do? We can't forbid people from buying it. I'm sure Dom Perignon or Krug would be delighted to have their business."

The comments left a bad taste in Jay-Z's mouth. The rapper said he would pull Cristal from his small chain of popular sports lounges -- where bottles of Cristal sell for $450 (€357) and $600 (€476) -- as well as from his personal flutes.

Long in The Tooth

Recently eaten: more chicken burrito
Recent annoyance: people in winter jackets when it's 60 degrees outside

So I came across a very telling graph of tooth loss by State. I was surprised to find our fair District in the middle of the pack. From what I have seen, I surmised that we would hit at least somewhere near 28%. After a little digging, I also found a relevant stat of wooden rollercoasters by state. I am no statistician or sociologist, but there doesn't seem to be any correlation between tooth loss (natural) and wooden rollercoasters. Although there may evidence for unnatural tooth loss to be related to alcohol consumption. You can do the math by looking at the binge drinking stats (GO WISCONSIN!)