Don't Rock the Goat

Recently eaten: meatballs, just balls of meat
Recent annoyance: that kink in my neck that makes me look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame

British Army Demotes Goat for Insubordination
Capt. William Rose, a soldier present at the parade, said the goat "was trying to headbutt the waist and nether regions of the drummers."

"He is not a grazing goat and has food flown in from Wales. Billy also has an allowance of two cigarettes a day - both of which he eats," said the spokeswoman.

"Give me a cigarette before I head for your nether regions! Baa!"