Oh, The Humidity!

Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires After They've Burned Everything in Sight

Recently eaten: rainbow trout
Recent annoyance:

While I applaud Wired mag for coming out with this great how-to for the rest of us that might live near a burning bush or two, this seems a little insensitive to the thousands of people who have lost homes in Southern California. It's like going to a prison yard to teach inmates how to stay out of trouble. Or, it's like too many knives when all you need is a spoon. Or maybe it's not like that at all.

Protect your house and family in case of a wildfire
This little How To comes to us from several government websites including the province of Nova Scotia and the FEMA site.

Though the adverse natural conditions, strong winds and high heat, in Southern California have caused wildfires to circumvent many of these safety measures and cause immense property damage, having these precautions in place can often buy your family time to reach a safe distance away from danger.

Protecting Your Home

• Create 10 meters (about 32 feet) of defensible space around your home.
• Defensible space is an area around a structure where fuels and vegetation are treated to slow the spread of wildfire. By observing the following precautions, you can minimize the risk of losing your home to wildfire:
• Store gasoline and other flammable liquids in approved safety containers and away from occupied buildings
• Liquified Petroleum Gas (LPG) tanks should be far enough away from buildings for valves to be shut off in case of fire
• Clean roof surfaces and gutters regularly
• Maintain a non-flammable screen over the flue opening of every chimney or stovepipe
• The distance between your house and any nearby tree should always be greater than the height of the mature tree or at least 10 feet.
• Remove portions of any tree branches extending over your roof
• Have fire tools handy such as: ladder, shovel, rake and water bucket
• Have an Evacuation Plan in place with your family well ahead of wildfire season
• Civic address should be clearly posted
• All roads and driveways should be at least five metres in width
• Remove all leaves and flammable vegetation from around structures -
• Every home should have a minimum of two entrance and exit routes
• Garden hose should be connected to outlet
• Dispose of fireplace ashes or charcoal briquettes in a fire safe container
• Combustibles such as firewood, picnic tables, boats, etc. should be moved away from the house
• Wider fuel breaks are needed around buildings on steep slopes. The fuel break area may contain single shade trees and ornamental shrubs that do not allow fire to spread rapidly
• Trim trees and shrubs of diseased or dead branches, and make sure that foundation plantings are of the fire resistant variety

In Case of Wildfire

• If you see a wildfire, call 9-1-1. Don't assume that someone else has already called. Describe the location of the fire, speak slowly and clearly, and answer any questions asked by the dispatcher.
  

Before the Fire Approaches Your House

• Evacuate. Evacuate your pets and all family members who are not essential to preparing the home. Anyone with medical or physical limitations and the young and the elderly should be evacuated immediately.
• Wear Protective Clothing. Opt for natural fibers underneath -- synthetics can melt and adhere to skin.
• Remove Combustibles. Clear items that will burn from around the house, including wood piles, lawn furniture, barbecue grills, tarp coverings, etc. Move them outside of your defensible space.
• Close/Protect Openings. Close outside attic, eaves and basement vents, windows, doors, pet doors, etc. Remove flammable drapes and curtains. Close all shutters, blinds or heavy non-combustible window coverings to reduce radiant heat.
• Close Inside Doors/Open Damper. Close alt doors inside the house to prevent draft. Open the damper on your fireplace, but close the fireplace screen.
• Shut Off Gas. Shut off any natural gas, propane or fuel oil supplies at the source.
• Water. Connect garden hoses. Fill any pools, hot tubs, garbage cans, tubs or other large containers with water.
• Pumps. If you have gas-powered pumps for water, make sure they are fueled and ready.
• Ladder. Place a ladder against the house in clear view.
• Car. Back your car into the driveway and roll up the windows.
• Garage Doors. Disconnect any automatic garage door openers so that doors can still be opened by hand if the power goes out. Close all garage doors.
• Valuables. Place valuable papers, mementos and anything "you can't live without" inside the car in the garage, ready for quick departure. Any pets still with you should also be put in the car.

Preparing to Leave

• Lights. Turn on outside lights and leave a light on in every room to make the house more visible in heavy smoke.
• Don't Lock Up. Leave doors and windows closed but unlocked. It may be necessary for firefighters to gain quick entry into your home to fight fire. The entire area will be isolated and patrolled by sheriff's deputies or police.

Quick Post

Recently eaten: chicken saltimbocca
Recent annoyance: Nickelback

Just a quick post on Halloween, my favorite time of year. many of you lament the coming of fall winter like summer didn't just have its deadly grip on us for the last 8 months or so in D.C. bring on the pumpkin smashers and mittens. I'd like to wake up and not be sweating for once. and what could be better than for scaring small children to be socially acceptable for about a week...or two.

Well, I Guess We're All Gonna Die

Recently eaten: fatty tuna
Recent annoyance:

Well, it's been another unfunny day in the news. I thought all the crazies come out when it's warm...

Prime Rib

Recently eaten: santa fe chicken pizza
Recent annoyance: pulling a muscle I never knew existed

Well, in these dog days of summer, nothing interesting is happening except juvenile delinquency and melting ice cream. On a brighter note, the new Transformers movie is so kick-ass, I may never be able to sit down again.

Here is a funny McSweeney's piece about Optimus Prime.

My Name Is Craig!

Recently eaten: burger
Recent annoyance: that funny toenail that always grows all weird

Well, just call me Alexithymia!

The robot that sweats
Alexithymia is a term that means the incapacity to verbalize emotions. When some sufferers want to talk but are unable to utter the words, they start sweating to manifest the desire to communicate.

Alexitimia is also the name that Paula Gaetano, an artist from Buenos Aires, gave to her robot. It's a big blob that feels like rubber when you touch it. But it also sweats when you caress its surface. Paula Gaetano has a background in fine art but collaborated with scientists and techno experts to develop the robot. The only sensors are for touch and the only output is water that runs from a tank hidden in the base of the work.

Sweaty Idol

Recently eaten: tuna melt
Recent annoyance: it is harder to get hip hop abs than the ads will lead you to believe

I read the headline for this article and thought I had finally found my calling in life as a "Sweaty Idol." But sadly, it's merely another harbinger of death.

Hundreds Flock to Nepal for Sweaty Idol
Hundreds of people have flocked to a remote village in eastern Nepal to see a "sweating" idol of a Hindu god, a sign of impending turmoil or natural disaster for the devoutly religious nation.

Witnesses said that sweat seeped out of the idol of the Bhimeshwor god at a temple in Dolakha, a few hours drive from Kathmandu, during evening prayers at the weekend.

"I saw the right side of the black stone idol had become wet because of sweating," said Shanta Krishna Shrestha, chairman of a committee responsible for maintaining the temple.

"This denotes something like major political change or a natural calamity," said Shrestha.

"We must hold special prayers and make sacrifices asking for forgiveness."

Sacrificing animals such as goats or roosters to appease gods is common among Hindus in Nepal.

Sweating was seen on the idol in 2001, media reported, months before a palace massacre when King Birendra and eight other members of the royal family were shot dead in a drug-and-drink fuelled shooting spree by the then crown prince, who later turned the gun on himself.

Hot Headed

Recently eaten: lengua
Recent annoyance: pesky margarita brain-freeze

There is this guy in Memphis who cuts hair with a butane torch. I think this is really cool, but insensitive to people like Michael Jackson who try to earn an honest living by shilling for major companies like Pepsi and then get their hair caught on fire. It's a crying shame.

I Love the Smell of Fresh Napalm and Feta in the Morning

Recently eaten: spaghetti, feta, meaballs
Recent annoyance: the post office is so far away...and I have to mail my taxes

I am into my second week of the new job. It doesn't look like most people eat breakfast at work, so my four-course starters have raised some eyebrows. I noticed one of the administrative assistants eyeing my turkey chili last week, but said nothing. And I am not sure of my office mate has noticed the distinct smell of meat and cheese lingering in the morning when he comes in. I tried turning on my little fan to blow the odor right out, but the hot afternoon sun seems to only intensify the onion smell from the burrito I just ate. Well, maybe it will mask the KFC.

Feral Fer Real

Recently eaten:meatball subs, lots of meatball subs
Recent annoyance: you had your summer, now let me enjoy my winter (you know you are you there)

I sometimes think to myself, "I think I 'll run away into the Cambodian forest just to get away from it all." Then I read articles like this and think, "Okay, maybe DC isn't so bad."

Wild Cambodian woman found
"A Cambodian girl who disappeared aged eight has been found after living wild in the jungle for 19 years, police say.

The girl is believed to be Rochom P'ngieng, who disappeared while tending buffalo on the edge of the jungle in remote northern Rattanakiri province.

Her father says he has identified her through scars and will have DNA tests taken to prove she is his daughter.

But the BBC's Guy De Launey in Phnom Penh says there are other possibilities to her identity.

Members of Vietnamese hill tribes often cross into Cambodia through the jungles, he says.

Many are seeking asylum from religious persecution and are keen to avoid contact with the authorities, he adds.

Local police said the woman was "half-human and half-animal" and could not speak any intelligible language.

Her plight came to light when a villager noticed some of his food had been taken and staked out the area, which is 350km (220 miles) north-east of Phnom Penh.

Deputy provincial police chief Chea Bunthoeun told Associated Press news agency: "He spotted a naked human being, who looked like a jungle person, sneaking in to steal his rice."

The villager and some friends then caught the woman.

Sal Lou, a village policeman, said he recognised the woman as his daughter from a scar on her right arm.

He said: "When I saw her, she was naked and walking in a bending-forward position like a monkey... She was bare bones.

"She was shaking and picking up grains of rice from the ground to eat."

Mr Sal Lou said the family was now watching her closely after she took her clothes off and suggested she would return to the jungle."

Harumph!

Recently eaten: pumpkin cornbread
Recent annoyance: I need a lobotomy, and quick

HARUMPH!

Pun In The Oven

Recently eaten: cheddar on english muffin
Recent annoyance: people who ask questions that last longer than the answer

In the grand scheme of things, maybe laughing at the Hindenburg tragedy is really wrong. And maybe laughing about manatees is wrong too. After all, they're getting chopped up by motorboats all over parts of the Florida coast. Hmmm, giants gaseous dirigible explosion, or dugong puree...

Faceoff

I checked out the facial recognition thing at www.myheritage.com, and here are my results. I omitted all the Asian pop stars that I had never heard of.

Here is the pic I used to scan

There is a 66% possibility I look like Margaret Cho

A 62% possibility that I look like the chick from the New Adventures of Superman

And also a 62% possibility that I could be Drew Barrymore

Dog Days

Sun: "Who Will I Kill Today?"

**NEWSFLASH**
Sun kills 60,000 a year, says WHO
"As many as 60,000 people a year die from too much sun, warns the World Health Organization.

The bulk of the deaths are from skin cancers caused by excess exposure to the sun's harmful rays, ultraviolet radiation, says WHO.

UVR also causes sunburn, triggers cold sores and ages the skin, according to its report, the first to outline the global health burden of sun exposure.

Simple measures, such as covering up when in the sun, could cut the deaths."

What the World Health Organization does not tell you is that most of these victims are Martians and Vampires. Think about that!

Zooper Troupers

Recently eaten: sushi (22 pieces, to be exact)
Recent annoyance: that terrible headache you get from going from hot, hot weather into air conditioning, and then back out again

Damn, sometimes I really wish people would treat me the way zoo keepers treat their animals. I ahve been forcibly removed from my native climate and dropped into an artificial environment complete with box and gawking tourists. Where are my regular feedings? why does no one come to clean my cage? And why the heck isn't anyone making me meat ice cream?

Zoo fights heatwave with meat ice cream
"Zookeepers in the Swiss financial center of Zurich are feeding animals a diet of frozen berries, meat and bones to help them stay cool in the sweltering summer heat.

The "alternative ice cream" offered to animals instead of their usual fare has been a big hit with large cats, apes and wolves, Zurich Zoo said in a statement. "The ice cream should at least offer the animals a temporary way to cool down," it said.

The unusually high temperatures which have hit most of Europe are poised to make this July the hottest in Switzerland since 1983, experts say."

The Accidental Tourist

Recently eaten: roast beef and gorgonzola sandwich
Recent annoyance: people who talk all the way through previews at the movies

Tourist season in DC is in full swing by now, and the Mall is packed with wide-eyed, slow-moving outsiders. I generally confine my daily activities to the less hospitable areas of northwest DC, where there are long stretches of sidewalk with no Starbucks or Cosi, and and the trolley stop is too far away to walk.

Or try this:

Tourist Remover

Although I wish I could use this in real life...

Beefwetter

Recently eaten: chicken salad
Recent annoyance: ennui

Boy, I thought I was having a bad morning when I emptied my stomach contents at the departure gate at Dulles on Saturday. But this guy has me topped. At least he didn't try to be a hero and put the fire out himself because that's how this whole thing got started in the first place.

Sometimes you just have a really bad day
"A German man drank too much, wet his bed and set fire to his apartment while trying to dry his bedding, police in the western town of Muelheim said Monday.

"He was too drunk to go to the toilet," said a police spokesman. "The next morning he put a switched-on hairdryer on the bed to dry it and left the apartment." When the 60-year-old returned, his home and belongings were in flames.

Firemen eventually put out the blaze."

Beeflet exposed!

Recently eaten: Tunafish sub
Recent annoyance: Bloggers

Hello all and welcome to the newest johnny-come-lately blog. Here is some information that may or may not be true about me:

LIES:
- I do not ever sweat. My sweat glands were destroyed in a freak government experiment. Said experiment also left me with amazing buoyancy properties.
- I am not afraid of sharks
- My driving record is impeccable

TRUTHS:
- I get my exercise battling pink robots
- I have been living with an implanted pig kidney...though I can hardly call it living
- Yao Ming is my brother

Blogs are for people who like to hear themselves talk but, in this disconnected world, are more accustomed to the sound of their own typing. I could use some help on upping my self-esteem so this blog should save me hundreds of dollars in therapy. For the rest of you, I hope you find something amusing in my delusions of grandeur.