"Gullible" is Written on the Ceiling

Recently eaten: yogurt past it's expiration date
Recent annoyance: trash chute is too small

Why, oh why, didn't they get those crazy glasses for watching solar eclipses? Why has God forsaken us?

Dozen blinded in India looking for Virgin Mary (Telegraph UK)
At least 50 people have lost their sight after staring at the sun hoping to see an image of the Virgin Mary, according to reports.

Alarmed health authorities in India's Kottayam district have set up a sign dispelling rumours of a miraculous image in the sky and warning of the dangers of looking into direct sunlight.

Forty-eight cases of sight-loss, allegedly caused by photochemical burns on the retina, have been recorded at St Joseph's ENT and Eye hospital in the region since Friday.

Despite warnings, and the potentially harmful effects of their actions, believers are allegedly still flocking to a hotelier's house in Erumeli near where the divine image is said to have appeared.

"All our patients have similar history and symptoms… They have developed photochemical, not thermal, burns after continuously gazing at the sun," Dr Annamma James Isaac, the hospital's ophthalmologist said.

"Totally radical, and righteous, dude."

The Devil Made Me Do It

Recently eaten: oatmeal
Recent annoyance: lugging around heavy camera equipment...someone get me a dolly

Okay, so I have been in NYC for the past few days and sadly negligent of my blog. If it will make you feel any better, you can invoke any of the bible verses in the link 9 Most Badass Bible Verses on my head. This is a particular favorite in case you are at a loss:
Judges 15:15-16
Finding a fresh jawbone of an ass, he grabbed it and struck down a thousand men. Then Samson said,

"With an ass's jawbone
I have made asses of them.
With an ass's jawbone
I have killed a thousand men."

Catmobile?

Recently eaten: fettucine and seafood
Recent annoyance: starers

I am sure that Pope Benedict and his best friend, Chico the Cat, share many hobbies and pastimes together: visiting with children, keeping all evidence that Jesus lived beyond his crucifixion a secret, and chasing rats. But does Chico ride in the Popemobile?

Cat tells life story of his bets friend the Pope
Chico the cat describes the life of his "best friend", Pope Benedict, in an authorised biography for children released this week.

"Dear Children, here you will find a biography that is different to others because it is told by a cat and it is not every day a cat can consider the Holy Father his friend and sit down to write his life story," the Pope's personal secretary, Monsignor Georg Ganswein, says in the foreword.

"Chico and Joseph -- A Cat Recounts the Life of Pope Benedict XVI" is narrated by Chico who took up with the Pope in his native Germany when he was Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger.
The illustrated 44-page book is written by Italian author Jeanne Perego and set mostly in Germany in the years before Benedict was elected in April 2005.

Chico is a real cat who belongs to a German couple in the German city of Pentling, where the Pope lived until he moved to Rome in 1981. The couple are caretakers of the house where Ratzinger had hoped to retire had he not been elected Pope.

Chico tells the story of the life of "my best friend" from his birth in Germany in 1927, through his days as a young man, priest, bishop and cardinal. It ends with his election as Pope on April 19, 2005.

It recounts the Nazi era in Germany when the Pope was a teenager, calling the war years "one of the most dramatic and shameful times in the history of man".

"At that time, Joseph was forced to do something which was absolutely against his will: john the army and leave for the war. We cats do not make war," Chico narrates.

Chico recounts how each time then Cardinal Ratzinger returned to Germany for a vacation, the cat would run into his house and sit on his lap as he played the piano.

One Christmas, when the future pope tried to put the cat out of the house "I misbehaved" and scratched him. "He forgave me right away but told me: 'Don't do it again".

In his foreword Ganswein tells the children: "Keep in mind that the cat is writing from his point of view. At the end of the day he is a cat, even if he is a cat who is a friend."

During the years when he was a cardinal in Rome, the future Pope befriended another cat he found on the street and kept him in his apartment until he was elected pope.

There have been conflicting reports about whether that cat moved into the Vatican with the Pope.

Boys Will Be Boys Will Be The Spawn of Satan

Recently eaten: vodka rigatoni and chicken
Recent annoyance: mosquito bites so itchy that they wake me up in the night

If you ask me, all children are little hellions, whether their last name implies it or not. Better to leave them on some island like Lord of the Flies until they are old enough to be let back into normal society.

Catholic School Opens Gates to Hell Boy
The Hell family has protested to a Catholic school in Australia after it objected to enrolling their son because of his name.

Officials said the boy had been offered a place at the St. Peter the Apostle school in the southern city of Melbourne after discussions among the principal, the parish priest and the family over his last name.

But Alex Hell, 45, said he would rather send 5-year-old Max elsewhere because the school balked at taking the boy because of his family name. Hell said he had Austrian heritage and that the name means "bright."

Hell, a Roman Catholic father of three, said he and his wife initially offered to enroll Max using his mother's maiden name, Wembridge, but later changed their minds.

"It just didn't sit right," Hell told The Associated Press on Tuesday.

He said the school withdrew its offer of enrollment for the boy, and only backed down when Hell took his story to the media.

The organization overseeing Catholic schools in Melbourne issued a statement to the media that acknowledged the dispute, but did not give details or address Hell's claim that the initial enrollment offer had been withdrawn.

In the statement, director of Catholic Education Stephen Elder said using the boy's mother's name was the parents' idea to "assist the child in the transition of schools."

"After discussions between the parish priest and principal, St. Peter the Apostle School has made an offer of enrollment to the student," Elder said. "The school is working with the family in the best interests of the child."

It did not mention Hell's claim that the school had initially refused to enroll his son using that name.

The little guy doesn't look so bad

Thou Shalt Not Become Extinct

Recently eaten: meatloaf
Recent annoyance: meetings, meetings, meetings

Proof that the creationists and the scientists are all right at the same time.

Vindication

Recently eaten: sweet potato, meatballs
Recent annoyance: spilled laundry detergent...v. hard to clean up but smells fresh

Well, I've been saying for yearsm those ugly plastic croc sandals are proof that the antichrist will return soon. ANd, now there is proof that these sandals will signal the fall of civilization itself. They are already killing people in Swedish hospitals.

Plastic clogs disrupt machinery in Sweish hospital
A Swedish hospital wants to ban its staff from wearing Crocs plastic clogs, saying they generate static electricity that can knock out medical equipment.

Blekinge hospital in southern Sweden suspects the slip-on shoes, made by US firm Crocs Inc, are to blame for at least three incidents in which respirators and other machines malfunctioned. The mishaps caused no injuries.

Hospital spokesman Bjorn Lofqvist said staff wearing the clogs could turn into "a cloud of lighting" because of the static electricity.

He said there were similar problems with other shoes not designed for hospital use, but the popularity of the Crocs had raised the issue to a new level.

"It's been a problem for many years, but now there are so many people that have them," he said, adding that officials were discussing whether the shoes should be banned throughout the hospital or just in certain sections.

A spokeswoman for Pforce AB, the Forsberg-controlled company that imports Crocs to Sweden, said the company was performing tests on the shoes.

"We take this very seriously," she said, adding that the shoes were very useful for hospital staff. "They are good to work in and have a shock absorption that really helps people who do strenuous work."

I'll Take Ten, Meow

Recently eaten: meatball sub
Recent annoyance: zit forming under my nose

Survivor: The Single Pagan's Edition

Recently eaten: chicken on rosemary foccaccia sandwich Recent annoyance: when the copier takes about 3 days to "warm up"

I have made it through one more holiday weekend, and as my friends start to trickle back in to the city. Let's all be thankful for a few things this new year that we can't exactly say about years past:

1. I didn't drink all the leftover wine in the refrigerator
2. Luckily, I am find myself single again and did not profess my love to anyone
   
3. The Von Trapps, as always, triumphed over the Nazis
4. No hazing myself for the second straight year in a row
5. No gas fireplaces

And, finally, let's all be thankful that we do not live near open water where killer dolphins might leap out and kill us. God bless us, everyone!

"A New Zealand woman is in critical condition in hospital after being crushed by a dolphin that leaped on to her boat, media reported on Wednesday.

The 27-year-old woman had been watching from the bow of the small boat cruising among the marine mammals off the North Island's Coromandel Peninsula on Tuesday when the bottlenose dolphin landed on her, the New Zealand Herald said.

She suffered serious head injuries and was flown to hospital in Auckland. The dolphin also smashed the boat's windshield and bow rails before jumping back into the ocean, witnesses told the Herald.

Coast guard official Steve Taylor said the dolphin probably got over-excited and jumped on to the boat, although he had never heard of such an incident before."

Holiday Musings

Recently eaten: pizza for one
Recent annoyance: people who react to everything at a movie, out loud

I've done a lot fo soul-searching this past holiday. And I want Tracey morgan to know that I forgive him.

Single Pagan's Christmas: Day 1

Recently eaten: enchiladas
Recent annoyance: people parked in crosswalks

Nothing beats Christmas in this crazy town. No Jews to hang out with, and no good Chinese restaurants.

Komodo All Ye Faithful

Recently eaten: wild rice and scallops
Recent annoyance: excuses instead of solutions

It's been documented in the Bible and in Jurassic Park: immaculate conception

Female Komodo Dragon Has Virgin Births
Maybe females could live without males, at least for Komodo dragons. These behemoths of the reptile world can produce babies without fertilization by a male, scientists recently discovered.

Currently at London’s Chester Zoo, one mother-to-be named Flora [image] is waiting for her eight offspring to hatch, each one the result of a process called parthenogenesis—or a virgin conception.

“Parthenogenesis has never been documented in Komodo dragons before now, so this is absolutely a world first,” said co-researcher Kevin Buley of Chester Zoo.

No sperm needed

Parthenogenesis, in which an unfertilized egg develops to maturity, has been found in 70 species of vertebrates, including captive snakes and a monitor lizard species. In most of these reptile cases, this process is their only method of reproduction.

In some whiptail lizards, males have become somewhat of an accessory, and all individuals are female. The type of asexual reproduction in whiptail lizards generates all-female offspring.

The Komodo dragon, turns out, can do both: they can reproduce sexually or asexually depending on their environmental conditions. At most zoos, females live alone and are kept separate from other dragons.

Family affairs

With the ability to reproduce without male mates, Komodo females could potentially found an entirely new colony on their own. “Theoretically, a female Komodo dragon in the wild could swim to a new island and then lay a fertile clutch of eggs,” Buley said.

The downside is that all hatchlings resulting from this type of parthenogenesis are males. “These would grow up to mate with their own mother and therefore, within one generation, there would potentially be a population able to reproduce normally on the new island,” Buley explained.

In the long-term this Oedipus-like practice could lead to health problems associated with inbreeding, as the entire colony would have such low genetic diversity.

The results also have implications for captive-breeding programs that have sprouted to ensure the survival of the threatened lizards. Fewer than 4,000 Komodo dragons are thought to remain in the wild, residing on just three islands in Indonesia.

Dear Little Baby Jesus

Recently eaten: leftover pizza
Recent annoyance: the return of the cathartic post

"I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger."

32 baby Jesus dolls found in Illinois yard
Dozens of people looking for Jesus can find him at a church on Chicago's South Side. Thirty-two plastic baby Jesus dolls were stolen last week from nativity scenes in people's front yards. Then on Saturday morning a woman found all the missing Jesuses lined up along the fence on her lawn and she gave them to St. Symphorosa Church.

The Rev. Marcel Pasciak said the woman was one of his parishioners at St. Symphorosa and "panicked" when she saw the dolls.

Fourteen of the dolls' rightful owners had claimed them by Tuesday morning.

Pasciak said he thinks teenagers took the baby Jesuses as a joke and not as a religious statement.

"Don't they look funny?" Pasciak said as residents came to claim their decorations. "We're putting Christ back into Christmas literally and metaphorically."

Not everyone took the thefts lightly.

"You put things out and it's to express your beliefs, to celebrate your faith with your community," said Carol Angiollo, whose baby Jesus was among those taken. "To have someone violate that is really disheartening."

People who called police to report a missing doll were directed to the church, said Chicago police spokesman Pat Camden.

"Baby Jesus belongs in a nativity, not in evidence and recovered poverty, which is where they'll wind up if they're not claimed," he said.

Police haven't made any arrests.

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

Darwinner Takes All

Recently eaten: chicken, mushrooms, couscous, cucumber salad
Recent annoyance: people who don't up their seats on the bus for super-pregnant women

Charles Darwin apparition appears in tree
Janice says: "I got up this morning, and looked out the window I look out for hours every day. I looked up at the birdfeeder to the spot where a limb was chopped off and saw Charles Darwin."

Can I Get A Witness And a Pooper Scooper?

Recently eaten: chicken quesadilla
Recent annoyance: dreams about having babies (creepy)

Hallelujah! The image of Jesus Christ, some people's Lord and Savior, has appeared on the backside of a dog. Since we are all God's creatures, including little doggies, the faithful should not be offended, but humbled that Jesus would choose to appear on such an unlikely, yet just as loved, surface. For the cute pic of a dog's behind, click here.

It's a miracle!

Hassel the Hoff

Recently eaten: chicken burrito
Recent annoyance: skinned elbows (I can't rest my arms anywhere!)

Hoff the Record

All the David Hasselhoff you need. Unless you are German, in which case, you're just weird and I'm glad you lost the war.

And, if you STILL aren't convinced...David Hasselhoff is the Antichrist