As If the News Wasn't Bad Enough

Recently eaten: pasta bolognese
Recent annoyance: I don't think my humidifier is humid enough

Isn't it already a big enough disaster that peanut butter everywhere is being recalled? Now you're telling me that if there's an even bigger disaster, I won't be able to eat my emergency packet of peanut butter? Why has God forsaken us? George Washington Carver, help me now!

FEMA food kits may contain tainted peanut butter (via CNN)
Food kits recently distributed as part of a disaster relief effort in Kentucky and Arkansas may contain peanut butter contaminated with salmonella linked to a nationwide outbreak, the Federal Emergency Management Agency said Wednesday.

People who received the food kits should throw away the peanut butter packets, FEMA says.

"Commercial meals kits manufactured by Red Cloud Food Services Inc., under the Standing Rock label, have been provided to disaster survivors in impacted communities, and these kits may contain peanut butter which is part of the precautionary national recall underway in accordance with the U.S. Food and Drug Administration," FEMA said in a written statement.

Though the kits do not all contain the same main course, they do contain packets of peanut butter, the agency said.

"People who have received commercial meal kits are asked to inspect the kits in their possession and immediately dispose of any peanut butter packets," it said.

"Actually, it's just jelly time."

There Was No Encore

Recently eaten: bulgoki
Recent annoyance: collating packets that are just big enough to need the high-capacity stapler when I can't find the high-capacity stapler

Isn't this how Brandon Lee died? Someone replaces the blanks in a fake gun with real bullets...or replaces your fake knife with a real one. This is even more horrifying than that episode of TNG when Riker thinks he's acting as a mental patient in a play, but then it turns out he really is a mental patient on an alien planet. Damn those aliens.

Actor slits his won throat as knife switch turns fiction into reality (The Guardian)
An actor slit his throat on stage when the prop knife for his suicide scene turned out to be a real one.

Daniel Hoevels, 30, slumped over with blood pouring from his neck while the audience broke into applause at the "special effect". Police are investigating whether the knife was a mistake or a murder plot. They are questioning the rest of the cast, and backstage hands with access to props; they will also carry out DNA tests.

Things went wrong at Vienna's Burgtheater as Hoevels' character went to "kill himself" in the final scene of Friedrich Schiller's Mary Stuart, about Mary Queen of Scots, on Saturday night

It was only when he did not get up to take a bow that anyone realised something had gone wrong.

Web of Lies

Recently eaten: stuffed shells
Recent annoyance: no rain in the forecast, yet, now it's raining

Was this bird sick? How does a giant bird like that get caught in the delicate threads of a spiderweb? This post is just in time to really freak me out for Halloween. Don't ask questions, just avoid walking into spiderwebs.

Spider eats bird (The Cairns Post)
These amazing images of a mammoth spider devouring a bird were taken in the backyard of an Atherton property, west of Cairns.

And the images, which are being circulated via email worldwide, are real, according to wildlife experts.

Gibb Me the BeeGees, or Gibb Me Death

Recently eaten: sweet & salty clif bar
Recent annoyance: to the guy in the wheelchair going westbound in the middle turn lane of Columbia Road: please stop

The rhythm may be good for CPR students, but their falsetto seems to have really put a kink in the dog-training class next door. By the way, excellent use of a reissue.

'Stayin' Alive' has near-perfect rhythm to help jump-start heart (CNN)
"Stayin' Alive" might be more true to its name than the Bee Gees ever could have guessed: At 103 beats per minute, the old disco song has almost the perfect rhythm to help jump-start a stopped heart.

In a small but intriguing study from the University of Illinois medical school, doctors and students maintained close to the ideal number of chest compressions doing CPR while listening to the catchy, sung-in-falsetto tune from the 1977 movie "Saturday Night Fever."

The American Heart Association recommends 100 chest compressions per minute, far more than most people realize, study author Dr. David Matlock of the school's Peoria, Illinois, campus said Thursday.

And while CPR can triple cardiac arrest survival rates when properly performed, many people hesitate to do it because they're not sure about keeping the proper rhythm, Matlock said.

He found that "Stayin' Alive," which has a way of getting stuck in your head anyway, can help with that.

"Come closer, child. The secret to life itself is in my beard."

Cut That Horse Off

Recently eaten: fried oysters
Recent annoyance: that deep, deep sleep when fall comes that won't let you go in the morning.

Friends don't let friends drive a horse and buggy drunk. Especially if the horse is drunk, too.

Man killed in Romania by drunken horse
Traffic police tested a horse for being over the alcohol limit after it went out of control and killed an elderly man in the southwestern Romanian county of Gorj, the Ananova news agency said on Tuesday.

Police made the unusual request after an 86-year-old-man died from injuries sustained when he was hit by a cart, which was being pulled by a horse that "looked out of control."

Ion Iliuta, head of the local veterinary authority, said: "We never had such a request before. Maybe to see what kind of blood it is, yes, but to find out if the animal was drunk, never."

The blood test came back positive.

Is Mulder on Speed Dial?

Recently eaten: peanut butter and jelly
Recent annoyance: everything can be Googled

I'm pretty sure this was an episode of X-Files, or at least some part of a subplot in the movie. This is how all the episodes started out, "Location: Iranian tanker off the east coast of Africa." And then there's people shouting in another language and then they all end up dead the next day. Pan to shot of mysterious cargo container with strange black ooze coming from the cracks. Fade to creepy theme song.

Mysterious cargo on Iranian tanker kills Somali pirates (via BoingBoing)
Somali pirates who hijacked an Iranian shipping vessel said to be carrying either "minerals" or "small arms and chemical weapons" have, en masse, fallen ill with a mysterious disease. The head of the East African Seafarers' Assistance Programme has been threatened with a lawsuit by the Iranian government for issuing spooky statements to the press to the effect that there was some kind of evil "chemicals" on the ship.

You're Not the Only Ones

Recently eaten: turkey meatball soup
Recent annoyance: wonderful clipboard-wielding volunteers of Dupont Circle hear this: I donate online so I can avoid interacting with people. Please leave me to my misanthropy.

The lamb-eating eagles aren't just upsetting Scottish farmers. I, myself, have been fighting a pterodactyl reintroduction program in North America. Note to self: only visit Scotland in protective bubble suit.

Lamb-eating eagles upset Scottish farmers (via YahooNews)
Sheep farmers in remote northwest Scotland are furious about a sea eagle reintroduction programme, saying the huge birds of prey are damaging their livelihoods by killing 200 lambs in the past year.

The Scottish Crofting Foundation said some crofts, small farms producing mainly lamb or beef, had seen lamb numbers fall over the past five years because of the sea eagles' diet.

Gah!

Recently eaten: chicken enchiladas
Recent annoyance: one moldy cherry in the whole bunch

What are they teaching kids in school these days? This is clearly not the proper use of the word "amazing." I would accept: terrifying, apocalyptic, homicidal, or just plain creepy. Amazing? not so much.

Amazing bird formation

We all know what happened in the movie "The Birds"

Most Obvious Headline Award

Recently eaten: cornbread stuffing
Recent annoyance: why don't they just make pants in "shorty midget" size for the rest of us who don' have legs growing out of our necks?

This is sort of like reading the headline, "Frenchie snickers at Americans on holiday in Paris," or "Dane goes to barber and gets emo bangs."

Spaniard gored in San Fermin festival bull run (Yahoo News)
he running of the bulls through Pamplona on Tuesday left one man gored and four slightly injured during the annual San Fermin festival, the Spanish Red Cross said.

Hundreds of people and six fighting bulls, accompanied by steer, sprinted the half-mile (850-meter) route through cobblestone streets in just over two minutes, a relatively clean and fast run by San Fermin standards.

One Spaniard was gored in the thigh and treated at a city hospital, but was not in serious condition, the Red Cross said. Four other Spaniards were treated for bruises.

The first run on Monday took over four minutes and injured 13 people. None of them were gored.

Beerly Departed

Recently eaten: red snapper
Recent annoyance: people who do not move to the back of the bus (for space efficiency, not racially-motivated reasons)

Not only will this guy be buried in a beer can, he will be buried in a PBR can coffin. I hope his grieving widow doesn't try to "shotgun" the coffin. People get upset when the body shoots out.

Illinois man orders custom beer-can coffin

A Fitting End

Recently eaten: stir fry
Recent annoyance: lockjaw

I know most people have some grand idea of what they're going to put on their tombstone (see Royal Tenenbaum's epitaph), but I kind of like this macabre little Hello Kitty. It says I am dead, but also was very cute in life.

Hello Kitty tombstones in Japan

Pour One Out For My Homie Egg McMuffin Inventor Dude

Recently eaten: omelette (fake eggs)
Recent annoyance: pollen

Nooooo!

Egg McMuffin Inventor Dies at 89
A Southern California McDonald's restaurants official says Egg McMuffin inventor Herb Peterson has died in Santa Barbara at age 89.
art.peterson.ap.jpg

Egg McMuffin creator Herb Peterson with his breakfast idea in 1997.

Monte Fraker, vice president of operations for McDonald's restaurants in Santa Barbara, said Peterson died peacefully at his home Tuesday.

Peterson came up with idea for the signature McDonald's breakfast item in 1972.

He began his career with McDonald's as vice president of the company's advertising firm, D'Arcy Advertising, in Chicago. He wrote McDonald's first national advertising slogan, "Where Quality Starts Fresh Every Day," and eventually became a franchisee.

Who Let the Killer Robot Out?

Recently eaten: sesame chicken
Recent annoyance: I need a belt

This story isn't about what I thought it was. Here I was thinking that someone had unleashed an army of killer robots on the unwitting Australian populace as a test run for the larger continents of Asia, Europe and north America. Nope, just some old dude with a death wish.

Killer robot shoots man dead on driveway
An 81-year-old man has shot himself dead with an elaborate suicide robot built using plans downloaded from the internet.

The Gold Coast man, who lived alone, left notes of his plans and thoughts as he struggled to come to terms with demands by interstate relatives that he move out his home and into care.

He spent hours searching the internet for a way to kill himself, downloaded what he needed and then built a complex machine that would remotely fire a gun.

He set the device up in his driveway about 7am yesterday, placed himself in front of it and set it in motion.

His notes explained that he chose the driveway as he knew there were tradesmen working next door who would find his body. The plan worked as the workmen heard the gunshots and ran to investigate.

The machine was attached to a .22 semi-automatic pistol loaded with four bullets.

It was able to fire multiple shots into the man's head after he activated it.

I'm Ghost Like Swayze

Recently eaten: mushroom ravioli and pesto
Recent annoyance: british spelling

Sure, there was Point Break and To Wong Foo, but does Patrick Swayze really deserve this? Didn't he survive a plane crash that one time?

Doctor optimistic about Swayze's cancer

I will tame this like a wild cat. Rroooowr!

In My Own Backyard!

Recently eaten: shepherd's pie
Recent annoyance: cholesterol-free mayo with canola oil *ick*

This is terrifying not only because it is a predatory bird, but also because this is not too far from where I live. If something should happen to me, take a close look at this beak.

I witnessed a killing in the Shaw neighborhood

Bye Bye Black Sheep

Recently eaten: sea bass
Recent annoyance: a scab in my nose

It's official, I am an endangered species. Long considered the black sheep of my family, it appears that fewer and fewer are being born every year. They say the dark sheep are bigger but less fit. Well, that is true.

Study finds declining dark sheep due to genes
he declining number of dark sheep among a wild herd in Scotland comes down to genes, researchers said on Thursday.

The population of the wild Soay sheep on the isolated island of St. Kilda has been virtually unchanged over the past 4,000 years, giving modern-day researchers a unique view into natural selection and evolution.

About three-quarters of the sheep in the herd are dark but their dwindling numbers have puzzled scientists. This is because dark animals tend to be bigger, which should give them an evolutionary advantage to survive harsh winters.

"If being big is good and dark sheep are bigger we would expect the frequency of dark sheep to increase," said Jon Slate, a researcher at the University of Sheffield, who worked on the study published in the journal Science.

"This presents an evolutionary problem."

To solve the riddle the scientists analysed versions of genes that determined colour. Like all animals, sheep inherit one version of each gene from each parent and these sheep can inherit either a gene for a dark coat or a gene for a white coat from each parent.

The researchers determined that the gene for a dark coat is dominant -- dark sheep carry either two dark genes or a dark gene and a light gene.

But they also found that having a light gene boosts fitness so the best combination in evolutionary terms for the sheep is a mix of genes that produce a dark coat.

This explains the decline of dark sheep because those with a pair of dark genes are the least fit, even though they are big, Slate said. The researchers do not know why the light gene confers fitness, he added.

"We have an example of a counterintuitive trend and show that it is actually still consistent with evolutionary theory," he said in a telephone interview. "It helps explain why predicted evolutionary trends are sometimes not observed."

This Is How I Feel About My Cholesterol

Recently eaten: ribs
Recent annoyance: early morning construction noise

The Devil Made Me Do It

Recently eaten: oatmeal
Recent annoyance: lugging around heavy camera equipment...someone get me a dolly

Okay, so I have been in NYC for the past few days and sadly negligent of my blog. If it will make you feel any better, you can invoke any of the bible verses in the link 9 Most Badass Bible Verses on my head. This is a particular favorite in case you are at a loss:
Judges 15:15-16
Finding a fresh jawbone of an ass, he grabbed it and struck down a thousand men. Then Samson said,

"With an ass's jawbone
I have made asses of them.
With an ass's jawbone
I have killed a thousand men."

Coking Coal-a

Recently eaten: rice congee
Recent annoyance: the mosquitoes have returned to haunt me

I just returned from an 8 day excursion to China and I'm just happy to be near sanitary plumbing again. We flew into Shijiazhuang, the capital of Hebei Province. It was cold, and smokey as soon as we got off the plane. We were going to be traveling around the coal capital of China. Let the respiratory problems begin.

Our tour guide assured us that the "fog" is perfectly normal in the winter. Although I am pretty sure it might have something to do with all the coal plants spewing black smoke into the air. It was only about 6:30 and it was darker than midnight. That was something I didn't quite understand either: no timezones in China. The entire country is on one timezone. Strange.

One last note on day one of the China trip: more hard prison beds. I must be a soft twinkie, because every bed I sleep in here feels like a board they pulled off the Mayflower and threw some sheets on. Maybe this will realign my spine.

Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires After They've Burned Everything in Sight

Recently eaten: rainbow trout
Recent annoyance:

While I applaud Wired mag for coming out with this great how-to for the rest of us that might live near a burning bush or two, this seems a little insensitive to the thousands of people who have lost homes in Southern California. It's like going to a prison yard to teach inmates how to stay out of trouble. Or, it's like too many knives when all you need is a spoon. Or maybe it's not like that at all.

Protect your house and family in case of a wildfire
This little How To comes to us from several government websites including the province of Nova Scotia and the FEMA site.

Though the adverse natural conditions, strong winds and high heat, in Southern California have caused wildfires to circumvent many of these safety measures and cause immense property damage, having these precautions in place can often buy your family time to reach a safe distance away from danger.

Protecting Your Home

• Create 10 meters (about 32 feet) of defensible space around your home.
• Defensible space is an area around a structure where fuels and vegetation are treated to slow the spread of wildfire. By observing the following precautions, you can minimize the risk of losing your home to wildfire:
• Store gasoline and other flammable liquids in approved safety containers and away from occupied buildings
• Liquified Petroleum Gas (LPG) tanks should be far enough away from buildings for valves to be shut off in case of fire
• Clean roof surfaces and gutters regularly
• Maintain a non-flammable screen over the flue opening of every chimney or stovepipe
• The distance between your house and any nearby tree should always be greater than the height of the mature tree or at least 10 feet.
• Remove portions of any tree branches extending over your roof
• Have fire tools handy such as: ladder, shovel, rake and water bucket
• Have an Evacuation Plan in place with your family well ahead of wildfire season
• Civic address should be clearly posted
• All roads and driveways should be at least five metres in width
• Remove all leaves and flammable vegetation from around structures -
• Every home should have a minimum of two entrance and exit routes
• Garden hose should be connected to outlet
• Dispose of fireplace ashes or charcoal briquettes in a fire safe container
• Combustibles such as firewood, picnic tables, boats, etc. should be moved away from the house
• Wider fuel breaks are needed around buildings on steep slopes. The fuel break area may contain single shade trees and ornamental shrubs that do not allow fire to spread rapidly
• Trim trees and shrubs of diseased or dead branches, and make sure that foundation plantings are of the fire resistant variety

In Case of Wildfire

• If you see a wildfire, call 9-1-1. Don't assume that someone else has already called. Describe the location of the fire, speak slowly and clearly, and answer any questions asked by the dispatcher.
  

Before the Fire Approaches Your House

• Evacuate. Evacuate your pets and all family members who are not essential to preparing the home. Anyone with medical or physical limitations and the young and the elderly should be evacuated immediately.
• Wear Protective Clothing. Opt for natural fibers underneath -- synthetics can melt and adhere to skin.
• Remove Combustibles. Clear items that will burn from around the house, including wood piles, lawn furniture, barbecue grills, tarp coverings, etc. Move them outside of your defensible space.
• Close/Protect Openings. Close outside attic, eaves and basement vents, windows, doors, pet doors, etc. Remove flammable drapes and curtains. Close all shutters, blinds or heavy non-combustible window coverings to reduce radiant heat.
• Close Inside Doors/Open Damper. Close alt doors inside the house to prevent draft. Open the damper on your fireplace, but close the fireplace screen.
• Shut Off Gas. Shut off any natural gas, propane or fuel oil supplies at the source.
• Water. Connect garden hoses. Fill any pools, hot tubs, garbage cans, tubs or other large containers with water.
• Pumps. If you have gas-powered pumps for water, make sure they are fueled and ready.
• Ladder. Place a ladder against the house in clear view.
• Car. Back your car into the driveway and roll up the windows.
• Garage Doors. Disconnect any automatic garage door openers so that doors can still be opened by hand if the power goes out. Close all garage doors.
• Valuables. Place valuable papers, mementos and anything "you can't live without" inside the car in the garage, ready for quick departure. Any pets still with you should also be put in the car.

Preparing to Leave

• Lights. Turn on outside lights and leave a light on in every room to make the house more visible in heavy smoke.
• Don't Lock Up. Leave doors and windows closed but unlocked. It may be necessary for firefighters to gain quick entry into your home to fight fire. The entire area will be isolated and patrolled by sheriff's deputies or police.