Phobia Cornucopia III: Of Mice and Men

Recently eaten: linguine in clam sauce
Recent annoyance: dynamic IP addresses

I don't need to tell you what a bird will do if it can get it's talons on you. Say goodbye to your eyeballs, any other meaty bits, and your religion. These winged assassins were created in the depths of hell, fed on the waters of the river Styx, specifically to terrorize me. Paranoid, you say?

Think about this, birds are neither mammals nor reptiles. What does that mean? They're just birds, right? Wrongo. They fall into a broad category of animals called minions of the Devil. I Just when I thought the animal kingdom couldn't get any scarier, mice have emerged in a battle royale with birds for the scent of my fear. Mass media has only confirmed my suspicions of both animals. Take a look at this:

Killer mice ambush endangered seabirds' chicks
"Thousands of overgrown house mice are feasting on endangered seabird chicks as they sit helplessly in their nests. The feeding frenzy could spell extinction for populations of birds who breed on the rodent-infested Gough Island in the South Atlantic, conservationists are warning.

The mice are devouring more than one million petrel, albatross and shearwater chicks on the island every year, say researchers from the UK’s Royal Society for the Protection of Birds."

I am no friend of the bird, but Jesu! These little rodents are practicing for the real deal: humans!

"The Gough Island mice are three times bigger than their UK relatives, weighing in at around 35 grams. Albatross chicks can weigh up to 10 kilograms and stand 1 metre tall – 250 times larger than their rodent attackers.

But the mice are undaunted by their hefty prey and gnaw into live chicks, creating gaping wounds that slowly kill the birds after a few days. The RSPB team thinks that there are around 700,000 mice on the island that have learned to dine on chicks in this gruesome fashion. “It is like a tabby cat attacking a hippopotamus,” says Hilton."

This hippo doesn't trust tabby cats either.