This Old Person House

Recently eaten: artichoke, mushroom, ham pizza
Recent annoyance: not enough Journey on the radio

An assisted-living community is being built next to my apartment building. I am all for assisted-living. Can you imagine all those old people without someone to portion out their pills, or keep score during the heated shuffleboard matches? It would be total anarchy. Kind of like Lord of the Flies, but Piggy probably gets snuffed out with a bedpan to the skull instead of a rock. I see it this way:

PROS:

• Old people will do all the complaining in the neighborhood so I won't have to do it
• More motorized carts at the supermarket
• Greater availability of fiber products
• Another group to yell at them young whippersnappers, shouldn't they be in school?

CONS:

• Longer lines at the pharmacy
• Hearing the constant conversation, "Huh?" "What did you say?" "Speak up, I can't hear you." "What?"
• More slow walkers in the streets
• I might be considered a young whippersnapper