You Can Teach An Old Dog New Ways to Kill People

Recently eaten: turkey and swiss pita
Recent annoyance: alarms trapped in locked closets that go off in the middle of the night

Woman crashes car when teaching dog to drive
"A woman in Hohhot, the capital of north China's Inner Mongolia region, crashed her car while giving her dog a driving lesson, the official Xinhua News Agency said Monday.

No injuries were reported although both vehicles were slightly damaged, it said.

The woman, identified only be her surname, Li, said her dog "was fond of crouching on the steering wheel and often watched her drive," according to Xinhua.

"She thought she would let the dog 'have a try' while she operated the accelerator and brake," the report said. "They did not make it far before crashing into an oncoming car."

Xinhua did not say what kind of dog or vehicles were involved but Li paid for repairs."

Mmmm, yeah, that's cool. My dog, Lucky, used to want to be an air marshal on a transatlantic flight. Well we let him, and wouldn't you know if no one noticed that the dog carrying a gun on the plane was actually a dog. Thank god he didn't want to fly the plane.

"Paradise by the dashboard light"