Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Don't Fear The Beefer

Recently eaten: delicious, life-giving ramen
Recent annoyance: black socks DO get dirty

Look, I'm no paranoid maniac, but there are a lot of things out there trying to kill you that you may not even realize are trying to kill you. You may be thinking to yourself, "oh, why would anyone want to kill little old me?" But you'd be wrong. Dead wrong.

Honeybees want to accuse you of domestic terrorism
"Common honey bees can be trained to recognize individual people, according to a paper published by Dr. Adrian Dyer in the Journal of Experimental Biology.

The training consisted of showing the bees a series of black-and-white pictures of human faces. The bees got tasty or sour rewards, depending on their performance. The face series is exactly the same one used by psychologists to test human memory.

How do bees do it? Bee brains are just one-twenty thousandth the size of a human brain. The experiment implies that there is a simpler solution to the problem of face recognition than has been discovered so far by biometric security researchers.

I'm getting this mental picture of a swarm of friendly, well-trained honey bees humming through an airport terminal, looking for known terrorists. And they even have a way to incapacitate their prey! On the other hand, since stinging kills the bee, you'd be losing highly trained assets."

Implications: Even the biggest dimwit with a brain one twenty-thousandth the size of a human brain will be able to recognize you. So stay off of Cops and wear pantyhose over your head when you go out and drink. Trust me on this one.

Zombies don't just want to eat your brains, they want to raise your insurance premiums too!

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