Smell Ya Later

Recently eaten: noodle soup
Recent annoyance: petty bureaucracy

Grapefruit May Make Women Seem Younger
"A study of smells shows that the scent of grapefruit on women make them seem younger to men -- about six years younger.

However, a grapefruit fragrance on men does nothing for them.

The study by the Smell and Taste Institute in Chicago was conducted to determine what makes a women smell young _ but not too young, like pink bubble gum.

Institute director Alan Hirsch said he smeared several middle-aged women with broccoli, banana, spearmint leaves, and lavender but none of those scents made a difference to the men.

But the scent of grapefruit changed men's perceptions. Hirsch said that when male volunteers were asked to write down how old the woman with grapefruit odor was, the age was considerably less than reality." Clearly this sounded like some shady science goings-on again, but this Smell and Taste Institute actually exists. And who are these middle-aged women being smeared with various stinks? And what of the grapefruit? What mystery is hidden in it's juicy folds that can deceive a man better than David Copperfield? As I researched the origin of the grapefruit, I found some eerie and striking similarities between myself and the mysterious fruit.

"When this new fruit was adopted into cultivation and the name grapefruit came into general circulation, American horticulturists viewed that title as so inappropriate that they endeavored to have it dropped in favor of "pomelo". In 1962, Florida Citrus Mutual proposed changing the name to something more appealing to consumers in order to stimulate greater sales." It is a little known fact that I was born Anita Ho, but in the interest of finding something more appealing, my parents called me Phoebe.

"The fruit is nearly round or oblate to slightly pear-shaped, with smooth, finely dotted peel, pale-lemon, sometimes blushed with pink, and aromatic outwardly; white, spongy and bitter inside." Most would agree that I can be quite aromatic, mostly to ward off vampires and their ilk, and that my insides are also quite bitter. My pale lemon color cannot be contested.

"The grapefruit was first described in 1750 by Griffith Hughes who called it the 'forbidden fruit' of Barbados. In 1789, Patrick Browne reported it as growing in most parts of Jamaica and he referred to it as 'forbidden fruit' or 'smaller shaddock'." Okay, I am not sure what a shaddock is, but in most parts of the Caribbean, as J. can attest to, I really am referred to as the forbidden fruit. How I got that name, I'll never divulge. Let's just say the Mt. Gay rum makes one gay indeed!

"In Central America, the grapefruit is not much favored because of its acidity." I am flabbergasted. This article keeps strumming my pain with its fingers. Literally singing my life with its words!

"The grapefruit keeps well at 65º F (18.33º C) or higher for a week or more and for 2 or 3 weeks in the fruit/vegetable compartment of the home refrigerator. The first sign of breakdown is dehydration and collapse of the stem-end." Ah, that sounds about just right. I've tried sleeping in the crisper, but I tend to wake up a bit soggy. Dehydration occurs most often at the end of the week, also known as the "weekend" and I wouldn't call it collapse so much as stumbling.

"Other uses: The waste from grapefruit packing plants has long been converted into molasses for cattle." Well, I suppose I hadn't considered the option.