Quaking In My Boots

Recently eaten: chicken parm sandwich, babybel cheese
Recent annoyance: spotty internet connectivity

Those poor Quakers. First they can't fight in wars because they believe in "peace" and now they can't peddle their oatmeal as a magical cure-all. Rememer those commeercials they ran for a while with the creepy Quaker Oatmeal guy handing out granola bars? He should fight the Burger King for the right to claim magical powers.

Quaker Agrees to Tone Down Claims That Eating Oatmeal Gives You Magical Powers
If one were to believe Quaker's marketing, one might think that by eating oatmeal you would gain the power of flight. We certainly did. That's why for 3 years we ate nothing but Quaker Instant Oatmeal and Pez candy. Not really.

The Center for Science in the Public Interest has announced that Quaker has agreed to tone down their marketing, per their request. CSPI claims that Quaker is exaggerating the health benefits of eating oatmeal:

The Quaker Oats Company has agreed to drop certain claims on labels and in advertising that the Center for Science in the Public Interest (CSPI) says exaggerated the health benefits of eating oatmeal. Quaker will no longer describe its oatmeal as a "unique" whole grain food that "actively finds" cholesterol and removes it from the body, and will no longer display a graph that greatly exaggerated the cholesterol-lowering potential of oatmeal. In turn, CSPI will not file a lawsuit that it warned Quaker company about in October.

"Oatmeal is a healthy food, but that's no excuse to give people the impression that it will miraculously remove cholesterol from your arteries or to otherwise exaggerate its benefits," said CSPI litigation director Steve Gardner. "We are pleased that Quaker was receptive to our concerns and that actually filing a lawsuit became unnecessary."

Does this mean we're never going to be able to shoot lasers from our eyes while levitating nearby furniture? How sad