Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Kids Incorpserated

Recently eaten: rotisserie chicken sandwich, cantaloupe
Recent annoyance: no snooze on my cell phone alarm

Now that I live in a locked apartment building, I suppose I won't ahve any snot-nosed kids coming around this Halloween. I'm no Halloween Scrooge though. I might sit on the stoop and throw tootsie pops at the passing kiddies. 3 points for getting on in the bag. 5 points for a cryer. This is going to be fun.

Five Halloween Safety Tips - for the kids

  1. For large groups of trick-or-treaters, always set at least one child ablaze, ensuring enough light that other children won’t trip over uneven pavement.
  2. Only separate shards of X-Acto blades from rodent poison once you get home; doing so in the dark will lead to inevitable mixups and tummyaches for youngsters with allergies.
  3. If a home has its porch light off — but an expressionless face can be seen peering from a cellar window — consider limiting your child’s unattended visit with the resident to no more than four hours.
  4. If a close-fitting mask causes your child to fall down a well, use fishing line and a paper clip to retrieve her goodie bag. Nobody likes wet candy.
  5. Although children dressed as SS-Sturmbannführer Michael Lippert are not required to “pretend execute” children dressed as Ernst Röhm, many parents find this bit of theatricality kindles the spirit that makes Halloween such a delight.

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