Thursday, July 06, 2006

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Baby

Recently eaten: hot pocket, strawberry banana yogurt
Recent annoyance: bottle rockets, roman candles, anything that makes a loud pop at 1 AM when I am trying to sleep

Is it just me, or are women popping out bigger and bigger babies these days? What happened to the good ol' fashioned peanut-sized baby that was born into a mother's pouch and did not reach visible size until a few months in the pocket? Okay, okay, so that's a marsupial. But really, when I heard of women giving birth to 9, 10, and 11 pound babies, I thought enough is enough. These kids are going to come out fully-grown sooner than later. Then I read this:

Heavier toys could help child fitness
Well, yes, heavier toys could mean slimmer toddlers, but it could also train an entirely new breed of super-strong baby. They will be able to rip open nursing bras, crush handfuls of Cheerios, and break the bars of any Graco crib. For the good of the planet, and the survival of the human race, let's keep the Flintstone vitamins in their jars and the adults in power.

"Take me to your leader, and I need my diaper changed poste haste!"

No comments: