The New American Militia

Recently eaten: garlic and rosemary roast beef
Recent annoyance: being handi-"capable"

Sorry for the brief hiatus. I was being rebuilt out of scrap metal and nano-robots at an undisclosed location in the Mojave Desert. I am back, better and more metallic and unfeeling than ever! While recuperating at this undisclosed location, I became aware of a growing movement in the shadows related to the libertarian militia of the 1990s. They are behind the anti-immigration legislation currently under scrutiny, and have been stealing the food out of the mouths of babes for centuries. These people are trying to drive hard-working immigrants out of business by being wasteful. What kind of monster wastes food at a buffet?

Homer pays a visit to Lionel Hutz's "I Can't Believe It's a Law Firm'' law firm.

Homer: All you can eat. Ha!
Hutz: Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film, "The Never-Ending Story''.
Homer: So, do you think I have a case?
Hutz: I don't use the word hero very often, but you are the greatest hero in American history.
Homer: Woo-hoo!
Hutz: I'm sorry, did I say `hero'? I meant `zero'

Family kicked out of buffet restaurant
DES MOINES, Iowa - Wendy Dershem may think twice before leaving that egg roll on her plate at her next Chinese buffet. The Des Moines woman, her boyfriend and her two children were kicked out of a restaurant last week after management accused her of leaving too much food on her plate.

"They told us we are not welcome there anymore," said Dershem, a repeat customer at the Dragon House buffet. "We waste too much food. But the buffet is all you can eat. And you know kids. They won't always eat everything and they want something else."

Dershem said she paid her $5.95 fee on Saturday but was abruptly told to leave after eating one plate of food.

Employees said they had been watching her family on previous trips to the restaurant and were fed up with her habits.

"They just take one bite and throw it away," said cashier Lin Huyen. "They take four egg rolls and crab ragoon, take one bite of egg roll and throw the whole plate. That is wasting food."

Dershem said she was shocked by the scolding and complained to management when she paid her check. "It was embarrassing. ... If it's a one-stop buffet, post it," she said.

Dragon House manager Kent Cao said his restaurant offers all you can eat buffet, not all you can waste. Dershem's family took food, didn't finish it and then piled on the same food again, he said.

"Shes done that too many times," Cao said. "We would welcome her back if she has respect and knows what she wants."

Bob Oberbillig, an adjunct professor at the Drake Legal Clinic, says the patron would have no legal case against exclusion from a business unless there are other factors such as racial discrimination or mental health issues.

"An establishment can exclude people if they smoke or waste food," he said. "It's still a private business."