Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Where Wolf? There, Wolf.

Recently eaten: steak burrito
Recent annoyance: false claims of blizzard-like conditions

This strange little guy is a lumberjack doll that transforms into a werewolf. This is a valuable educational tool for small children. Werewolves are everywhere in our midst in the 21st Century, but they have perfected their techniques for blending in with society. Even during a full moon, you might mistake one of them for a drunken frat boy.

  1. Lumberjacks are, almost without fail, werewolves.
  2. Lumberjacks are not only after the blood of the innocent, but they reduce vital forest areas that prevent soil erosion, and house endangered species.
  3. Anyone wearing those little capri pants to the knees is probably a werewolf.
  4. If a wolf head pops out of the stomach of someone in your vicinity, run for it, he's a werewolf!
  5. Beards only disguise thick wolf-like fur and any bloody entrails leftover from last night. Never date someone bearded.
  6. Consequently, Santa Clause, Bob Ross, Johnny Damon, and your grandfather were probably werewolves.

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