Guess Who's Coming To Dinner?

Recently eaten: garlic hummus, macaroons, more chicken cordon bleu
Recent annoyance: garbage disposal funk

Much hoopla has been made about my strange eating habits. Perhaps unwarranted hoopla after you read this post, because at least I won't eat any of your diabetic body parts, treasured root vegetables, or endangered species. Unless, of course, you insist. Then it would be rude not to.

Dinner guest #1: ANTS

Ants eat away woman's eye in hospital
"A woman receiving treatment for diabetes at a state-run hospital in eastern India lost one of her eyes after ants nibbled away at it, officials said on Tuesday.

The patient recovering from a post-surgery infection shrieked for help as the ants attacked her on Sunday night, but nurses told her it was normal to feel pain from the infection.

On Monday, the patient's family saw a gaping hole with swarming ants in it when they lifted the bandage on her left eye.

Authorities of the Sambhunath Hospital in Kolkata said they were probing the incident.

"It's not uncommon for ants to attack diabetic patients. We have set up a committee to investigate the unfortunate incident," hospital superintendent A. Adhikary said."

Host notes: Do not invite diabetics to a picnic. Ants love sugar. Diabetics can't process sugar, or something like that, so they probably taste sugary sweet. Also, do not host dinner party in Indian hospital.

Dinner guest #2: DEPRESSED JAPANESE PEOPLE

Radish recovering after murder attempt
"A giant white radish that won the hearts of a Japanese town by valiantly growing through the urban asphalt was in intensive care at a town hall in western Japan on Thursday after being slashed by an unknown assailant.

The "daikon" radish, shaped like a giant carrot, first made the news months ago when it was noticed poking up through asphalt along a roadside in the town of Aioi, population 33,289.

This week local residents, who had nicknamed the vegetable "Gutsy Radish", were shocked -- and in some cases moved to tears -- when they found it had been decapitated.

TV talk shows seized on the attempted murder of the popular vegetable and a day later, the top half of the radish was found near the site where it had been growing.

A town official said on Thursday the top of the severed radish had been placed in water to try to keep it alive and possibly get it to flower.

Asked why the radish -- more often found on Japanese dinner tables as a garnish, pickle or in "oden" stew -- had so many fans, town spokesman Jiro Matsuo said: "People discouraged by tough times were cheered by its tenacity and strong will to live."

Host notes: Last sushi dinner hosted was disaster after Japanese guests were outraged that I had sliced up their prized tuna. Too many legal fees to be worth the attempted murder rap. Serve pizza next time, or turn around Japanese economy.

Dinner guest #3: THAI ZOO OFFICIALS

Exotic animal meats on VIP menu at zoo
"VIP guests at the grand opening of the night safari zoo in northern Thailand will not only get to see exotic animals — they'll get to taste them.

The Chiang Mai Night Safari Zoo will have its official opening on New Year's Day, and the "Exotic Buffet" marking the event will include tiger, lion, elephant and giraffe, said Plodprasop Suraswadi, the director of the zoo project.

"The VIP guest who pay 4,500 baht ($110) for the buffet will have the privilege of tasting an exotic menu, ranging from dog meat from (Thailand's Sakhon Nakhon province) to lion meat from Africa," Plodprasop told reporters.

Critics have lambasted the idea, saying that it will encourage wildlife trafficking in a country and region already notorious for smuggling tiger parts, bear claws and endangered species for Chinese delicacies, traditional medicines and pets.

"Serving rare animals on the table confirms that Thailand is ignoring policies for wildlife preservation," said Wildlife Fund Thailand secretary Suraphol Duangkae.

"Thailand's image is already bad for trading animals and being a transit and laundering point (for smugglers)," Suraphol said. "The zoo will make only the image worse by serving rare animals."

Host notes: Better send Mitzi and Mr. Bojangles across the street for doggie playdate next time the Thai come over.