Fat is Phat

Recently eaten: rice noodles, corn niblets, two eggs
Recent annoyance: the holiday bus schedule

Crack is whack, kids, and so is the Atkins Diet. All you lard-butts can rejoice, fat is back in vogue. Not just for hunter-gatheres to get through the winter anymore, fat is "in" for any season. Have that second piece of cake, try all the pastas at Olive Garden, get that turkey deep fryer you've been eyeing, and take a long nap after lunch because chubby is the new black.

Man seeks fat people to fuel his boat
"An Auckland adventurer wants overweight people to have liposuction so he can turn their fat into biofuel to power his boat around the globe.

Peter Bethune's biofuel-powered attempt at the round-the-world powerboat speed record will run on his own fat, and he hopes, many more well-endowed contributors.

The Dominion Post reports the lean Auckland adventurer has had about four syringes of fat removed by liposuction from his own "love handles", but needs others to donate their fat for his cause.

If Mr Bethune, 39, gets enough fat he will have it refined and converted to fuel for his 24m trimaran.

The Dominion Post reports that as part of a publicity gimmick to promote his adventure, he asked a couple of fat friends whether they would be willing to donate their spare kilos, and they told him he must do it first.

But the surgeon who donated his services could only extract 100 millilitres of fat from Mr Bethune's 70kg-frame, compared to an average haul of 3kg, which would produce three litres of refined biofuel.

The $2.6 million Earthrace craft will begin circumnavigating the globe in March and aims to cut the 75-day record - it is expected to use 70,000 litres of biofuels."

It's the same old story. First you think you're going under the knife to donate a couple kilos of biofuels so some eccentric millionaire can fuel his boat to go around the world. Next thing you know you're waking up in a tub full of ice with only one kidney. I saw Dirty, Pretty Things. I know what's up.

Police seize 24 tons of illegal cheese

And if you're looking to put on a few pounds, el Salvador might be the place to do it.

"El Salvador police scented something was not quite right before they swooped on a residential zone north of the El Salvador capital and seized 24 tonnes of contraband cheese.

Police arrested 21 people in the early morning operation in San Juan Opico, 40km north of San Salvador, where they seized the cheese smuggled into this Central American country from Nicaragua.

Among those arrested were Salvadorans, Nicaraguans and Guatemalans, according to customs director Gustavo Villatoro.

The cheese smuggling gang had grated the authorities by evading taxes on their smuggled mountain. A police spokesman said two refrigerated trucks had also been smoked out by officers and confiscated in the raid."

Smoked out the cheese trucks, eh? I hope there was some gouda on those big rigs. Mmmm....