The Cheese Stands Alone

Recently eaten: hot roast beef, doritos
Recent annoyance: tiny, tiny ants everywhere

While being of the brown person persuasion, and therefore prone to lactose intolerance, I try to practice a life of dairy tolerance. Milk gone bad? Not to worry, we'll just make it into a stinky brick of cheese! Brilliant! One cannot deny the power of cheese. Melt it on six pounds of meat, cut it up into tiny cubes, blend it with salsa or put it into an aerosol can, it's all delicious, gas-inducing cheese.

Sales up in Japan of cheese insulted by politician
"The popularity of a certain type of French cheese has soared in Japan after a leading ruling party politician called it "hard and dry" last month.

The incident took place in early August when Yoshiro Mori, a former prime minister, met with Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi in a last-ditch effort to persuade him not to dissolve parliament and call snap elections.

Following the evening meeting at Koizumi's official residence, Mori told reporters that Koizumi had given him only beer and simple snacks while they talked, disregarding long-standing Japanese customs of political hospitality that mandated a more lavish welcome.

"He gave me foreign beer and some dried out cheese, so hard you couldn't bite into it," an obviously miffed Mori said in widely televised remarks, displaying a crumpled beer can and thin slice of orange-brown cheese."

Even those protocol-crazed Japanese can turn a beer and cheese party into some giant social faux-pas. However, I can feel Mori's outrage at the promise of lavish cheeses being dashed by the stinky Frenchman's revenge. And leave it to the same novelty-crazed Japanese to then want to go out and try said "hard and dry" cheese. Maybe Godzilla was promised a cheese reception and all he got were some Tokyo guns in his face. I'd totally rampage for a do-over of the cheese reception. Who cares about the atomic testing? I want smoked gouda.