Monday, August 15, 2005

The Unicorn Diaries

Dear Diary,

Maybe it's hard for humans to understand that even mythical creatures have feelings. If my entire existence wasn't to enchant and enthrall humans, I'd be all over them like white on rice. This horn, it's so useless. I can't gore anyone, I can't spear a damn thing. It's like a giant toenail growing out of my forehead. A long, giant, nasty toenail. Maybe I could put a skull on the end or something scary. I am so sick of squeals of delight and peals of laughter when people catch sight of me. Those My Little Pony dolls completely ruined my life. Before I was just a cool magical creature that fairy dorks liked to draw. But then kids wanted to ride on my back, or brush my flowing white mane. I mean, WTF?! Do I go around trying to crimp every blonde's hair I see because I had a Barbie once? Jesus. Maybe I can saw this thing off my head. I tried running into a tree to break it off but I got stuck in the trunk. Pegasus has it made. Wings. I've got this freak tusk on my face and Pegasus gets wings.

1 comment:

yostinator said...

As a personal friend of PAN, I understand. I understand that mythical creatures have feelings. But Unicorn, we all gotta play the cards we're delt. For some of us, its a hairlip, for others, its a horn.