Let Sleeping Beef Lie

Recently eaten: smoked pork chops, ramen, spinach
Recent annoyance: showers with little to no elbow room

In the great annals of strange and undignified ways to die, this definitely makes the top ten.

Dead cow kills three men
"Three men in southern Ukraine have suffocated on fumes from a dead cow they were trying to pull from an abandoned well.

The incident occurred in the Odessa region, where five friends found a dead cow in a disused well.

All five climbed into the 12m deep well to try to pull it out, but were quickly overcome by the fumes from the decaying animal.

Three lost consciousness, while the other two scrambled out and ran to a nearby village for help"

Imagined eulogies:
"What can I say about Melchior that hasn't already been said? The man had the curiosity of a young kitten. I remember back when we were just young kids here in southern Ukraine, fat from eating so much galushki, we would venture into the hills by our home. Melchior's mother would say, 'Stay away from rotting corpses of animals and be home before dark.' Damn you, Melchior, I knew that you couldn't stay away! Why? I'm sorry, I have to sit down now."

"I want to thank Wiktor's wife for giving me the opprtunity to speak on his behalf today. I worked alongside Wiktor for many years in the coal refinery. Even after I was put on that iron lung, Wiktor would help me drag it along the refinery floor so I could get my state rations of cabbage and potatoes. I never knew a finer man than Wiktor Wiktorowski."

"As is the custom in our village, we will bury Tekla at the bottom of the well that killed him. The rotting meat of the cow will be distributed to the widows and the children must wear a cow hide for the traditional 3 months of mourning. Tekla was our only horseshoe-maker. We the village elders and all the village horses will mourn his loss as if it he were our own son."