Beauty and the Beef

Recently eaten: yet another cheeseburger
Recent annoyance: mixing dairy and beer -- poor choice

Bad news for the mutant gremlins out there: attractive people earn more and are perceived better than "homelier" folk.

Do pretty people earn more?
"Studies show attractive students get more attention and higher evaluations from their teachers, good-looking patients get more personalized care from their doctors, and handsome criminals receive lighter sentences than less attractive convicts. But how much do looks matter at work?" There must be a lot of ugly, dead convicted felons out there. Look at the poor sap in the graphic they included in the story. He looks half dead already, probably because he can't get any healthcare from his superficial HMO. Meanwhile Chip McGillicutty on the right side has got a dashing tan and firm handshake.

The article goes on to say ""Good-looking men and women are generally judged to be more talented, kind, honest and intelligent than their less attractive counterparts," Patzer says. "Controlled studies show people go out of their way to help attractive people -- of the same and opposite sex -- because they want to be liked and accepted by good-looking people."

These conclusions may not sound too pretty to those of us who were dealt a bad hand in the looks department. But don't rush off to try out for the next round of "Extreme Makeover" just yet."

Maybe if all the repulsively unattractive kids weren't sent off to prison or dying from a curable disease, the pretty peeps would consider throwing them a pity bone. Look at poor hideous Roy Orbison. Pretty woman, don't walk on by. Pretty woman, make me cry. Pretty woman, don't walk away, hey...okay. Damn, Roy, you had me at hello...you had me at hello.