You Got Beef With The Beef?

Recently eaten: lasagna, ramen with soybeans & seaweed, creamsicle
Recent annoyance: this guy


Warning!! This post contains some strong language and has not been edited for content...or juvenile behavior (including posting an ex-boyfriend's electronic rants).

Grudge match background/cast:
Phoebe--the good guy...or girl, as it were
Chuckie--the bad guy

Scene: Brief relationship at end of senior year, huge fight and falling out at New Year's 2003, only one awkward phone call since

I started out by writing:

"Hey, I know I haven't been responding to you. Basically I am dealing with some heavy stuff and I just have to be selfish now. I just don't have the resources in me right now to start this friendship up again. I really appreciate you making the attempt, but we just don't have a lot in common anymore. We haven't spoken, with maybe one exception, in a very long time. I just think that it's more effort than either of us needs to expend. I am sure you have plenty of other peeps that you keep in contact with. I wish all the best for you and luck in everything you do. Phoebe"

To which he responded:

" wow that really stings. thanks for being there when i needed you. i wasn't really looking to start calling you all the time; i had been having problems with a long distance relationship that i thought was similar to you and your long term boyfriend ex. i wanted some pointers before things went way south. but that is okay and i won't need help anymore because we broke up on sunday before i came back to new york. and you aren't just anybody from my past. you were a really good friend at one point. but from your desire, i guess that will stay past tense. later"

I angrily, and unfortunately wrote back:

"jesus christ chuckie, we haven't talked in over ayear. you can throw all your passive aggressive guilt on me as much as you want. yes, we were good friends at one point but don't expect that i am just going to appear out of nowhere for you when we not only have not been in touch for over a year because of distance but because of some ugly things that happened. do you get that we aren't friends right now? just because we had one awkward coversation on the phone because you wouldn't leave it alone doesn't mean i can be there whenever you need me. you have plenty of friends that you don't need me."

And the final nail in the coffin:

"phoebe,thank you for clearing your stance up on the relationship we have. given this final clear prognosis, fuck off you abrasive little grudge-holding bitch. now that you have given me the hint, i will leave you the fuck alone indefinitely. cheers."

A few comments:

• Indefinitely?? I hope that really means forever. Afterall, grudges, like diamonds are forever.
• I like the use of the word 'prognosis'. Very professional, clinical, and sterile. Makes the email sound very calculating.
• Some might find it unethical to share personal emails on a publicly read blog and that I am being just as juvenile as he is. To those people I ask: when have I ever been ethical and emotionally mature?
• "abrasive little grudge-holding bitch" Thankfully, all this poisonous ill-will I have been harboring doesn't make me bloated. Which is more than I can say for the lasagna.